There are many things in this life i don't understand. One thing is why we must endure ourselves. Well I guess it would be unfair to say I don't know why I have to, although I wish I didn't. I've heard it said, "I've fought and killed on the battlefield of war. But the worst battle I have ever endured is the battle of the mind." Why is this? Why is it that amongst all the clashes we see on a day to day basis the hardest and most brutal go unseen. Why is it that we can stand up against a thug in the street, yet when it comes to our minds, we will do whatever we can to escape the pain? Do we all go through our daily pain or is this sometihng only some of us endure? It has been proven that if you have a positive attitude, you won't die from a disease or any cancer. If you just simply don't believe you have it, it simply goes away? What is our mind?!
This could be the biggest mystery in the world. Bigger than, yes, even Al Gore being an alien (inside joke). This thing we call a brain seems to have mysteries that cannot be unlocked. Think about it (so cliche'), it is estimated that we use only 3% of our minds. That's not much. What could we do with our minds if we could unlock the rest of our minds? I'm not sure I want to know. It seems that (excuse my blatentness but I don't believe in being politically correct) retarted people are so happy. Is is that the more brain we put to use, the more chaos is unleashed in havoc? Or could we come to peace with ourselves? I really don't know and probably never will. But I think I'm getting a little bit off subject. I'm talking about things I don't understand.
Well yeah I don't understand the mind. And another thing I don't understand is girls... Yeah I know, "original" But It's true. And I'm not even gonna begin to explain for baout two hundred reasons, including that I just plain don't want to because it's... annoyingly complicated? Something like that. Anyhow, another thing I don't understandis God. Yes I believe whole-heartedly in Jehovah but I don't understand Him at all.
In all my hopes to come to know God more I seem to only find out I know less than what I first thought. Still, I can't say I'd have it any other way. I love knowing that while on earth, I will barely scratch the surface of what there is to know about my God. Such relief.
There are many other things I don't understand but the last one I will talk about is that I don't understand why I love Christmas and Thanksgiving so much when I always seem to get depressed. I don't understand What it is that makes me slap on the plastic face and keep going. No I'm not emo. I'm not suicidal in the least. But I still want something more. It seems that this is hard to explain, the thoughts aren't there. However, I'll try. In winter, when the snow flies and the lakes freeze, when the frozen trees are motionless, I want for something real. Maybe it's just that I want to get closer to God. Maybe it's that I want to spend Christmas with whoever is to be my wife (I've still gotta figure that one out) and share in the joy with her. Maybe it's that the joy I experience is so real I finally found that I'm not worthy of such a merciful God. Maybe in the end it all goes back to me not understanding God. Maybe I need Him so much that I don't realize until the time of year when His birth is celebrated, and when I finally do understand I can't take it.
I don't know for sure but that last one seems to weigh on me the heaviest. Although the one about wanting someone to spend the season with does also, haha. But the time will come for that. Right now I know I can turn to my God and He listens. Always and forever. And sometimes he punishes me too. Which by the way, to all you Christians who think God won't send anyone to hell and won't punish anyone... It is the most beautiful thing knowing I have a God who cares enough for me to take the time to punish me so I get back on track.
~Daniel
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