ramblings

we all know the retinue of late night writing. as the hours drag on, i find yourself longing for sleep but un-relenting, hoping for a few more minutes of life. i get tired of this waiting and longing and try to inspire myself in hopes that i become an inspiration. maybe i have a big ego that i need to fill before i venture into the unknown of my dreams. perhaps i have some inspiring thought that whisps through my mind at such an exhaustive speed all that remains is the vibe. whatever it is i tend to write late night blogs. i enjoy it. so here are my thoughts of the night. and perhaps i'll try and make it shorter than usual. in fact wouldn't it be better to have a one paragraph blog once or twice a week than a 3 or 4 paragraph blog once every one to two months. well, i suppose i'm already onto the second paragraph so i oughta hurry it along.

i think that i should learn to love. hmm. it seems that should start a blog, not the second or third paragraph of a blog. and with a little readjusting of the blog's structure i could make it such. but no, i shall not. although it seems to fit better at the start it shall stay where it is and you (if you exist [not to be taken too deeply {basically suggesting}, as i am simply refering to the possibility that no one reads my blog {which in my opinion is actually a very valid concern}]) will have to endure my explaination of why i left it. so there it is. now in order to keep my paragraphs short i shall have to add a third at this point.

"i think that i should learn to love", is where i left off. what i mean by this is profoundly beyond my capability of putting into words, as well as beyond my understanding. (<-Period *as if spoken*). but nevertheless i shall attempt the impossible. one of my biggest flaws is my ability to be kind and loving to one person, but the next moment i turn into a villainess madman; as if i were plotting to kill someone. basically i can becoem wuite ruthless towards someone if i find a flaw in them that i don't like. well... here's the prediciment. i can find flaws i dislike in almost anyone. such as when someone drives too slow, smells weird, looks weird, acts weird, talks weird, argues with me (when i "know" i'm right), makes noises with their mouth while talking to me, stand behind me when i'm doing something (just about anything) and breathes at an audible volume, breathes heavy, talks with dumb (in my opinion) words, dresses badly (lousy style [again, my opinion]) and a great number of other things.

i kinda suprise myself with that list because i am a very easy going guy and can basically let anything slide. however, i suppose it would come along with how my mood tends to swing and if i am in the right mood, this other side (alter-ego) of me becomes alive and takes control. it is then that i realize i'm somewhat ruthless and over-bearing on my judgement of people just on their appearance (the thing we're NOT supposed to judge on). i guess i have a few character flaws. a lot. which is why i think i need to learn how to love. agape. like Jesus. if i could learn to love like Him (well i'd be perfect for one... if i ever used what i'd learned) i would be be much less critical of my behavior on a daily basis and therefore have more peace. and love. (i like the "peace and love" thing there). i guess this must be pretty out of order feeling... well that's a glimpse at my mind.

until next time...

~Daniel Hanson