ramblings

we all know the retinue of late night writing. as the hours drag on, i find yourself longing for sleep but un-relenting, hoping for a few more minutes of life. i get tired of this waiting and longing and try to inspire myself in hopes that i become an inspiration. maybe i have a big ego that i need to fill before i venture into the unknown of my dreams. perhaps i have some inspiring thought that whisps through my mind at such an exhaustive speed all that remains is the vibe. whatever it is i tend to write late night blogs. i enjoy it. so here are my thoughts of the night. and perhaps i'll try and make it shorter than usual. in fact wouldn't it be better to have a one paragraph blog once or twice a week than a 3 or 4 paragraph blog once every one to two months. well, i suppose i'm already onto the second paragraph so i oughta hurry it along.

i think that i should learn to love. hmm. it seems that should start a blog, not the second or third paragraph of a blog. and with a little readjusting of the blog's structure i could make it such. but no, i shall not. although it seems to fit better at the start it shall stay where it is and you (if you exist [not to be taken too deeply {basically suggesting}, as i am simply refering to the possibility that no one reads my blog {which in my opinion is actually a very valid concern}]) will have to endure my explaination of why i left it. so there it is. now in order to keep my paragraphs short i shall have to add a third at this point.

"i think that i should learn to love", is where i left off. what i mean by this is profoundly beyond my capability of putting into words, as well as beyond my understanding. (<-Period *as if spoken*). but nevertheless i shall attempt the impossible. one of my biggest flaws is my ability to be kind and loving to one person, but the next moment i turn into a villainess madman; as if i were plotting to kill someone. basically i can becoem wuite ruthless towards someone if i find a flaw in them that i don't like. well... here's the prediciment. i can find flaws i dislike in almost anyone. such as when someone drives too slow, smells weird, looks weird, acts weird, talks weird, argues with me (when i "know" i'm right), makes noises with their mouth while talking to me, stand behind me when i'm doing something (just about anything) and breathes at an audible volume, breathes heavy, talks with dumb (in my opinion) words, dresses badly (lousy style [again, my opinion]) and a great number of other things.

i kinda suprise myself with that list because i am a very easy going guy and can basically let anything slide. however, i suppose it would come along with how my mood tends to swing and if i am in the right mood, this other side (alter-ego) of me becomes alive and takes control. it is then that i realize i'm somewhat ruthless and over-bearing on my judgement of people just on their appearance (the thing we're NOT supposed to judge on). i guess i have a few character flaws. a lot. which is why i think i need to learn how to love. agape. like Jesus. if i could learn to love like Him (well i'd be perfect for one... if i ever used what i'd learned) i would be be much less critical of my behavior on a daily basis and therefore have more peace. and love. (i like the "peace and love" thing there). i guess this must be pretty out of order feeling... well that's a glimpse at my mind.

until next time...

~Daniel Hanson

...the thoughts of 1:19am through...........

This is the place where someone would normally type a simple sentence to start off their blog, in which they hope someone will read. That wasn't a simple sentence, but it had a very simple truth to it. I do not do things normally and do not consider myself to be normal. Many people claim this, but fewer practice it. I'm homeschooled so I think I'm entitled to the claim. Honestly I do think I am, in many ways abnormal. Not in the fact that I stay up late. 1. I drive next to the yellow line. Not the white line. Most people are too scared, I think, to drive next to the yellow line, like is proper. 2. I wave at people while I drive. Although this may not be abnormal, where I live it seems to be becoming more so. 3. I'm not racist but I say things that some people think are meant racist. Normally someone would follow this up with some disclaimer explaining what that last line meant, or even delete that last line. I'm not normal. 4. I don't like chocolate. 5. I only like a selection of nuts and not in anything at all.6. I just like doing things differently than I see others doing them.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this.

~Daniel Hanson

Thinking on Regret

I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.

I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!

Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...

Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!