Chapters

That's honestly to me a very odd title. Yet I believe it fits well with this post. I am writing about my life here. I titled it chapters because I feel that's what my life is leading towards. I feel that's what all our lives are leading towards to some degree. Read on if you would like to know what I mean.

I feel stuck in this same old way of life. Like I am chapter number 327, to this big book of life. The problem with this consists of two main sides:

A. The chapters basically repeat themselves at this point.

B. I don't want to be a chapter, and I don't believe any one of us are called to be the "next" chapter to this long story of life.

Ok, let's deal with A. Who really wants to live someone elses life? Ok there are a few (...I mean Elvis wanna be's proved that). But seriously... We all have that side to us, that so "coincidently shut up and "tamed" when we're kids, that says, "I wanna BE someone!"

Now on to B. We can see from past failures what we've made our lives to be. We can see from past successes what we've lost. This may sound contradictary to itself, yet it is more true than Even I can say. A failure shows us who we've become. What we wish we would've done differently. What we are. What we're becoming. Who looks back in their life and sees that they could've done this thing, or married this girl (the right one) but messed up, and wouldn't looking back have tried with their uttermost to do it differently?

Thinking on Regret

I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.

I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!

Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...

Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!

Regrets...

I have more Regrets than I can count.... And so many come from the recent weeks. I've found many things in this life are not as they first seem. And even fewer of these things remain unchanging.

There is no certainty in our cardboard, gasoline soaked world... Yet there is certainty. The only thing certain is that we have a God who loves us. He stays with us through all troubles and everything we could and ever will endure. Better yet, He knows what it is like to endure all these things.

This is my God I speak of. This is Jehova. This is Jesus. This is the one and ONLY God.

Life: I find it painful sometimes. And I've come to realize that life is the harder of two choices... You must continually choose to live... Once you do it, you have to do it again. It seems hard and long at times, but that's because it is. God's word promises us not happy days, but days filled with turmoil. When you see a Christian suffering and strugling more than you, it's probably because us as Christians have been called to a higher standard. Along with that comes more suffering. As the word of God says, We will endure many hardships, the Righteous man will fall seven (in Hebrew when the word seven was used it meant endless) times and get back up and keep walking.

Death: It has and always will be the easier choice... It is a choice made once. Although you may say, "Yeah right! I would never do that!" Well it only takes one time saying yes and you never have to make the choice again. And when depressed it would almost be easier to say yes...

Hope: I don't just wanna come right out and say Jesus. Although He is our hope. So many people get from this way of saying it the wrong message... They hope in Him because their sorrowful life will disappear and their new happy life will come. Unfortunately most people (90%) who think this way fall away from Jesus. The only reason we should submit to Him is through sorrow and fear. For we have all sinned by:

Lying, hating (murder), stealing, adultry (fornication, lust), not honoring the sabath, not loving with all our hearts God, wanting other's posessions, having idols (even thoughts above God are idols), Having other gods, Misusing God's name (g** D*****)
We are all Going to hell. But through Jesus we are saved.

That is where our hope lies. Only in Christ Jesus. Because we are sinners. Deserving the undying flames, and worms that devoure the flesh.

It will always be easier to die. But if we live for God we will recieve a reward beyond words description.

God bless you, my friends

~Daniel Hanson (Ryan Mcduell)