I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.
I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.
You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!
Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...
Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Regrets...
I have more Regrets than I can count.... And so many come from the recent weeks. I've found many things in this life are not as they first seem. And even fewer of these things remain unchanging.
There is no certainty in our cardboard, gasoline soaked world... Yet there is certainty. The only thing certain is that we have a God who loves us. He stays with us through all troubles and everything we could and ever will endure. Better yet, He knows what it is like to endure all these things.
This is my God I speak of. This is Jehova. This is Jesus. This is the one and ONLY God.
Life: I find it painful sometimes. And I've come to realize that life is the harder of two choices... You must continually choose to live... Once you do it, you have to do it again. It seems hard and long at times, but that's because it is. God's word promises us not happy days, but days filled with turmoil. When you see a Christian suffering and strugling more than you, it's probably because us as Christians have been called to a higher standard. Along with that comes more suffering. As the word of God says, We will endure many hardships, the Righteous man will fall seven (in Hebrew when the word seven was used it meant endless) times and get back up and keep walking.
Death: It has and always will be the easier choice... It is a choice made once. Although you may say, "Yeah right! I would never do that!" Well it only takes one time saying yes and you never have to make the choice again. And when depressed it would almost be easier to say yes...
Hope: I don't just wanna come right out and say Jesus. Although He is our hope. So many people get from this way of saying it the wrong message... They hope in Him because their sorrowful life will disappear and their new happy life will come. Unfortunately most people (90%) who think this way fall away from Jesus. The only reason we should submit to Him is through sorrow and fear. For we have all sinned by:
Lying, hating (murder), stealing, adultry (fornication, lust), not honoring the sabath, not loving with all our hearts God, wanting other's posessions, having idols (even thoughts above God are idols), Having other gods, Misusing God's name (g** D*****)
We are all Going to hell. But through Jesus we are saved.
That is where our hope lies. Only in Christ Jesus. Because we are sinners. Deserving the undying flames, and worms that devoure the flesh.
It will always be easier to die. But if we live for God we will recieve a reward beyond words description.
God bless you, my friends
~Daniel Hanson (Ryan Mcduell)
There is no certainty in our cardboard, gasoline soaked world... Yet there is certainty. The only thing certain is that we have a God who loves us. He stays with us through all troubles and everything we could and ever will endure. Better yet, He knows what it is like to endure all these things.
This is my God I speak of. This is Jehova. This is Jesus. This is the one and ONLY God.
Life: I find it painful sometimes. And I've come to realize that life is the harder of two choices... You must continually choose to live... Once you do it, you have to do it again. It seems hard and long at times, but that's because it is. God's word promises us not happy days, but days filled with turmoil. When you see a Christian suffering and strugling more than you, it's probably because us as Christians have been called to a higher standard. Along with that comes more suffering. As the word of God says, We will endure many hardships, the Righteous man will fall seven (in Hebrew when the word seven was used it meant endless) times and get back up and keep walking.
Death: It has and always will be the easier choice... It is a choice made once. Although you may say, "Yeah right! I would never do that!" Well it only takes one time saying yes and you never have to make the choice again. And when depressed it would almost be easier to say yes...
Hope: I don't just wanna come right out and say Jesus. Although He is our hope. So many people get from this way of saying it the wrong message... They hope in Him because their sorrowful life will disappear and their new happy life will come. Unfortunately most people (90%) who think this way fall away from Jesus. The only reason we should submit to Him is through sorrow and fear. For we have all sinned by:
Lying, hating (murder), stealing, adultry (fornication, lust), not honoring the sabath, not loving with all our hearts God, wanting other's posessions, having idols (even thoughts above God are idols), Having other gods, Misusing God's name (g** D*****)
We are all Going to hell. But through Jesus we are saved.
That is where our hope lies. Only in Christ Jesus. Because we are sinners. Deserving the undying flames, and worms that devoure the flesh.
It will always be easier to die. But if we live for God we will recieve a reward beyond words description.
God bless you, my friends
~Daniel Hanson (Ryan Mcduell)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Destiny
Yeah. Life. I don't know what to make of it. It has its' ups. But also its' many downs. I wish sometimes I could make my own destiny. I can only make choices in my destiny. I can't choose who I meet and who the people I meet meet. And no I'm not selfish. I can just become very perturbed when told one thing and then come to find that it is in fact very different.
Destiny. I find it to be the making of what could become a great or useless life. Destiny must be thought of carefully. It seems to twist around that which we come to respect as life. It puts its' fingers in wherever it feels like. Yet we have the choice of how it affects us. We can hold on to a little hope knowing we can change our destiny with a single choice. Yet destiny will always return somehow to haunt us. Destiny isn't how your life plays out. That's up to one person. You. Destiny is who you meet, what freak accident puts you in harms way. You then decide how to handle what destiny has given you. Do you except the person who would become your friend, or laugh at them and walk away? And how will you ever know which would have been the better choice? You can only make one. And when that accident takes place and you have but 2 seconds to react, you either make the right or wrong decission. Death? Life? Which would you rather?Which is easier to cope with?
I find it easier to cope with myself being dead. But I have to ask myself where the adventure is without the pain. There may be lows but they add to the highs. Still. Dying will always be easier than living. Once you're in the grave you have no more choices. You're either going to Heaven or Hell. Destiny. Destiny doesn't decide that. You, again have the right to change your destiny.
We all see our troubles as the worst. And honestly you can tell me your's are worse than mine. I probably won't say anything in reply. Inside I'll say, "Aw... You just may be right. But then again, how could you know? You have never been through what I have. Sure your brother/sister died a horrible death. You want me to feel sorry for you? Isn't that what we all want? You don't know what I go through inside on a daily basis. I as well don't kow what you go through."
We can't rightly say how bad our life is compared to others. If we could rate our life, all the highs and lows and choices, good and bad, and everything else, then we could say, "My life is HORRIBLE!!!!!! But yours is slightly worse." We really don't know.
Does destiny even really exsist? Well i don't know. But if it does, mine is way worse than yours! ;-)
Destiny. I find it to be the making of what could become a great or useless life. Destiny must be thought of carefully. It seems to twist around that which we come to respect as life. It puts its' fingers in wherever it feels like. Yet we have the choice of how it affects us. We can hold on to a little hope knowing we can change our destiny with a single choice. Yet destiny will always return somehow to haunt us. Destiny isn't how your life plays out. That's up to one person. You. Destiny is who you meet, what freak accident puts you in harms way. You then decide how to handle what destiny has given you. Do you except the person who would become your friend, or laugh at them and walk away? And how will you ever know which would have been the better choice? You can only make one. And when that accident takes place and you have but 2 seconds to react, you either make the right or wrong decission. Death? Life? Which would you rather?Which is easier to cope with?
I find it easier to cope with myself being dead. But I have to ask myself where the adventure is without the pain. There may be lows but they add to the highs. Still. Dying will always be easier than living. Once you're in the grave you have no more choices. You're either going to Heaven or Hell. Destiny. Destiny doesn't decide that. You, again have the right to change your destiny.
We all see our troubles as the worst. And honestly you can tell me your's are worse than mine. I probably won't say anything in reply. Inside I'll say, "Aw... You just may be right. But then again, how could you know? You have never been through what I have. Sure your brother/sister died a horrible death. You want me to feel sorry for you? Isn't that what we all want? You don't know what I go through inside on a daily basis. I as well don't kow what you go through."
We can't rightly say how bad our life is compared to others. If we could rate our life, all the highs and lows and choices, good and bad, and everything else, then we could say, "My life is HORRIBLE!!!!!! But yours is slightly worse." We really don't know.
Does destiny even really exsist? Well i don't know. But if it does, mine is way worse than yours! ;-)
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