Chapters

That's honestly to me a very odd title. Yet I believe it fits well with this post. I am writing about my life here. I titled it chapters because I feel that's what my life is leading towards. I feel that's what all our lives are leading towards to some degree. Read on if you would like to know what I mean.

I feel stuck in this same old way of life. Like I am chapter number 327, to this big book of life. The problem with this consists of two main sides:

A. The chapters basically repeat themselves at this point.

B. I don't want to be a chapter, and I don't believe any one of us are called to be the "next" chapter to this long story of life.

Ok, let's deal with A. Who really wants to live someone elses life? Ok there are a few (...I mean Elvis wanna be's proved that). But seriously... We all have that side to us, that so "coincidently shut up and "tamed" when we're kids, that says, "I wanna BE someone!"

Now on to B. We can see from past failures what we've made our lives to be. We can see from past successes what we've lost. This may sound contradictary to itself, yet it is more true than Even I can say. A failure shows us who we've become. What we wish we would've done differently. What we are. What we're becoming. Who looks back in their life and sees that they could've done this thing, or married this girl (the right one) but messed up, and wouldn't looking back have tried with their uttermost to do it differently?

Thinking on Regret

I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.

I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!

Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...

Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!