Glass in the Eyes

Though I be framed in a portrait, I still see you looking. As the glass is over my eyes, so you stand over me. I lay here trapped forever, behind my glass cage. It's a thick layer of ice, that fogs my vision. As long as I'm here I'll watch. My eyes are glazed over, but I'm not dead. There's a truth that can't be found in our modern world unless we first become something else.

As I walk through the snow as it falls in my face, and as I listen to the wind, it seems as if the wind is Jehovah's breath breathing on me. Yet it seems as if I walk through a lost country with no purpose anymore. The feeling inside us is that of contempt and hatred and contempt against our brothers. We listen to our brothers with our ears shut tight and only believe what we want to believe. We will take lies and eat them as if they were cake, but when we are offered truth we literally spit in it's face. Although it's so very blatantly put in front of us as truth and we can easily see that it is truth we will not believe it because it's not in our favor. Or maybe we've become so blind that all we can see are lies.

I get so frustrated sometimes at how stupid Americans have become. I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I believe I have done that for long enough. It's time to stand and stand strong. We can not let ourselves be swept away. We must stand against this strong current, this swing to liberalism and Marxism in our country. Oh, I thought I would never see the day when our country would become a communist nation, yet it seems to be just years if not months away. How could we the people let this happen. And yes I hold the people of this country fully responsible, because they are the stupid people who elected our present president elect. I pray in earnest for our country that it will not fail in this time of what seems to be it's greatest trial.

O how I feel I have failed and how my brothers and sisters have failed. Is there never to be a government in the history of the earth that does not grow so powerful that it be becomes corrupt and enslaves it's people? I am only 17 and yet it seems as if our country has decayed into what is just above the level of communism. Our very freedoms are being pried out of our hands, while we sit and watch and and smile. I have never felt so distraught about this. I have never before believed that it would actually come to this. But it has.

Pray with me for our country. Please pray with me for our country. I wouldn't care if I paid twice as much in taxes, but let them not take away our freedoms! Pray my brothers and sisters, for the day in which we live is a very dark day indeed. We must ALL pray as one nations or we will fall divided.

~Daniel

Underneath the Water of Frozen Lakes.

There are many things in this life i don't understand. One thing is why we must endure ourselves. Well I guess it would be unfair to say I don't know why I have to, although I wish I didn't. I've heard it said, "I've fought and killed on the battlefield of war. But the worst battle I have ever endured is the battle of the mind." Why is this? Why is it that amongst all the clashes we see on a day to day basis the hardest and most brutal go unseen. Why is it that we can stand up against a thug in the street, yet when it comes to our minds, we will do whatever we can to escape the pain? Do we all go through our daily pain or is this sometihng only some of us endure? It has been proven that if you have a positive attitude, you won't die from a disease or any cancer. If you just simply don't believe you have it, it simply goes away? What is our mind?!
This could be the biggest mystery in the world. Bigger than, yes, even Al Gore being an alien (inside joke). This thing we call a brain seems to have mysteries that cannot be unlocked. Think about it (so cliche'), it is estimated that we use only 3% of our minds. That's not much. What could we do with our minds if we could unlock the rest of our minds? I'm not sure I want to know. It seems that (excuse my blatentness but I don't believe in being politically correct) retarted people are so happy. Is is that the more brain we put to use, the more chaos is unleashed in havoc? Or could we come to peace with ourselves? I really don't know and probably never will. But I think I'm getting a little bit off subject. I'm talking about things I don't understand.
Well yeah I don't understand the mind. And another thing I don't understand is girls... Yeah I know, "original" But It's true. And I'm not even gonna begin to explain for baout two hundred reasons, including that I just plain don't want to because it's... annoyingly complicated? Something like that. Anyhow, another thing I don't understandis God. Yes I believe whole-heartedly in Jehovah but I don't understand Him at all.
In all my hopes to come to know God more I seem to only find out I know less than what I first thought. Still, I can't say I'd have it any other way. I love knowing that while on earth, I will barely scratch the surface of what there is to know about my God. Such relief.
There are many other things I don't understand but the last one I will talk about is that I don't understand why I love Christmas and Thanksgiving so much when I always seem to get depressed. I don't understand What it is that makes me slap on the plastic face and keep going. No I'm not emo. I'm not suicidal in the least. But I still want something more. It seems that this is hard to explain, the thoughts aren't there. However, I'll try. In winter, when the snow flies and the lakes freeze, when the frozen trees are motionless, I want for something real. Maybe it's just that I want to get closer to God. Maybe it's that I want to spend Christmas with whoever is to be my wife (I've still gotta figure that one out) and share in the joy with her. Maybe it's that the joy I experience is so real I finally found that I'm not worthy of such a merciful God. Maybe in the end it all goes back to me not understanding God. Maybe I need Him so much that I don't realize until the time of year when His birth is celebrated, and when I finally do understand I can't take it.
I don't know for sure but that last one seems to weigh on me the heaviest. Although the one about wanting someone to spend the season with does also, haha. But the time will come for that. Right now I know I can turn to my God and He listens. Always and forever. And sometimes he punishes me too. Which by the way, to all you Christians who think God won't send anyone to hell and won't punish anyone... It is the most beautiful thing knowing I have a God who cares enough for me to take the time to punish me so I get back on track.

~Daniel

As many of you may know (all two of you who read my blog) I am attending college. It seems life gets very hectic when you like to play, yet you must work and attend college at the same time. I wish I was the perfect example of someone who kept up on homework, worked a job, wrote stories (that got published, although I've never tried and none of them are complete), and was still able to live a somewhat normal friendly life. However this is not the case. I am always doing my homework at the last minute barely have enough money for gas and definitely not enough to get my car repaired (when its wheels may at any given time fall off). I barely get the chance to write, although I have a passion for writing in many different forms including; stories, poetry, songs, journalism, and such.

College is more demanding than I would have liked, taking up three days and then several hours out of the rest of my week, then throwing work into the mix and leaving me with a few nights, church has always been there and shall always stay (I'd only give up church for missions and touring), and everything else. I feel desperately lost in a mess that I'm trying to put into words. Can't make tails end of it? Let me try and write it more simply.

Okay, here we go. I desperately long for days when I can go out into the creation of our God and just sit and think hours upon hours. I love the Autumn times when the leaves fall and cover the ground, and when the breeze is cool and smooth. I like having to wear several layers. I like sitting and writing stories for an hour or two a day. I like writing a poem or song every so often as well. I long for times when i can sit undisturbed for hours playing music on the piano or guitar. I enjoy the first signs of winter when the cold rains come down and the ground is all frosted over in the morning. I don't mind having to run out to my car in the freezing weather and then sit for five minutes trying to stay warm. Unlike the majority of people I know I enjoy a freezing day where rain turns to ice as it lands on you. I'm not afraid of getting a bit wet (or soaked). In essence I enjoy the simpler parts of life. I will go to a coffee shop with a book or a friend or music and sit for an hour.

Lately, however, I have not had the time to do a lot of this. I have had my simple life invaded by a busy scheduled life. Well really I need to make a schedule and that will probably solve some of my problems. I have never had to live by a schedule and I can see where that would've helped much now. It's just getting that down into practice. I need to make a plan for my life. I feel suffocated by the fact that I could lose my car (and I might die too which I don't think that's God's will) but I don't have enough money to repair my car. I need to do something yet I feel so lost in this mess that I don't know how to act. That's really what gets me...

O by the way... I also need at least, let's say $2,000.00 for a mission trip next summer... Yep!

~Daniel

Chapters

That's honestly to me a very odd title. Yet I believe it fits well with this post. I am writing about my life here. I titled it chapters because I feel that's what my life is leading towards. I feel that's what all our lives are leading towards to some degree. Read on if you would like to know what I mean.

I feel stuck in this same old way of life. Like I am chapter number 327, to this big book of life. The problem with this consists of two main sides:

A. The chapters basically repeat themselves at this point.

B. I don't want to be a chapter, and I don't believe any one of us are called to be the "next" chapter to this long story of life.

Ok, let's deal with A. Who really wants to live someone elses life? Ok there are a few (...I mean Elvis wanna be's proved that). But seriously... We all have that side to us, that so "coincidently shut up and "tamed" when we're kids, that says, "I wanna BE someone!"

Now on to B. We can see from past failures what we've made our lives to be. We can see from past successes what we've lost. This may sound contradictary to itself, yet it is more true than Even I can say. A failure shows us who we've become. What we wish we would've done differently. What we are. What we're becoming. Who looks back in their life and sees that they could've done this thing, or married this girl (the right one) but messed up, and wouldn't looking back have tried with their uttermost to do it differently?

Thinking on Regret

I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.

I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!

Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...

Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!

Regrets...

I have more Regrets than I can count.... And so many come from the recent weeks. I've found many things in this life are not as they first seem. And even fewer of these things remain unchanging.

There is no certainty in our cardboard, gasoline soaked world... Yet there is certainty. The only thing certain is that we have a God who loves us. He stays with us through all troubles and everything we could and ever will endure. Better yet, He knows what it is like to endure all these things.

This is my God I speak of. This is Jehova. This is Jesus. This is the one and ONLY God.

Life: I find it painful sometimes. And I've come to realize that life is the harder of two choices... You must continually choose to live... Once you do it, you have to do it again. It seems hard and long at times, but that's because it is. God's word promises us not happy days, but days filled with turmoil. When you see a Christian suffering and strugling more than you, it's probably because us as Christians have been called to a higher standard. Along with that comes more suffering. As the word of God says, We will endure many hardships, the Righteous man will fall seven (in Hebrew when the word seven was used it meant endless) times and get back up and keep walking.

Death: It has and always will be the easier choice... It is a choice made once. Although you may say, "Yeah right! I would never do that!" Well it only takes one time saying yes and you never have to make the choice again. And when depressed it would almost be easier to say yes...

Hope: I don't just wanna come right out and say Jesus. Although He is our hope. So many people get from this way of saying it the wrong message... They hope in Him because their sorrowful life will disappear and their new happy life will come. Unfortunately most people (90%) who think this way fall away from Jesus. The only reason we should submit to Him is through sorrow and fear. For we have all sinned by:

Lying, hating (murder), stealing, adultry (fornication, lust), not honoring the sabath, not loving with all our hearts God, wanting other's posessions, having idols (even thoughts above God are idols), Having other gods, Misusing God's name (g** D*****)
We are all Going to hell. But through Jesus we are saved.

That is where our hope lies. Only in Christ Jesus. Because we are sinners. Deserving the undying flames, and worms that devoure the flesh.

It will always be easier to die. But if we live for God we will recieve a reward beyond words description.

God bless you, my friends

~Daniel Hanson (Ryan Mcduell)

Destiny

Yeah. Life. I don't know what to make of it. It has its' ups. But also its' many downs. I wish sometimes I could make my own destiny. I can only make choices in my destiny. I can't choose who I meet and who the people I meet meet. And no I'm not selfish. I can just become very perturbed when told one thing and then come to find that it is in fact very different.

Destiny. I find it to be the making of what could become a great or useless life. Destiny must be thought of carefully. It seems to twist around that which we come to respect as life. It puts its' fingers in wherever it feels like. Yet we have the choice of how it affects us. We can hold on to a little hope knowing we can change our destiny with a single choice. Yet destiny will always return somehow to haunt us. Destiny isn't how your life plays out. That's up to one person. You. Destiny is who you meet, what freak accident puts you in harms way. You then decide how to handle what destiny has given you. Do you except the person who would become your friend, or laugh at them and walk away? And how will you ever know which would have been the better choice? You can only make one. And when that accident takes place and you have but 2 seconds to react, you either make the right or wrong decission. Death? Life? Which would you rather?Which is easier to cope with?

I find it easier to cope with myself being dead. But I have to ask myself where the adventure is without the pain. There may be lows but they add to the highs. Still. Dying will always be easier than living. Once you're in the grave you have no more choices. You're either going to Heaven or Hell. Destiny. Destiny doesn't decide that. You, again have the right to change your destiny.

We all see our troubles as the worst. And honestly you can tell me your's are worse than mine. I probably won't say anything in reply. Inside I'll say, "Aw... You just may be right. But then again, how could you know? You have never been through what I have. Sure your brother/sister died a horrible death. You want me to feel sorry for you? Isn't that what we all want? You don't know what I go through inside on a daily basis. I as well don't kow what you go through."

We can't rightly say how bad our life is compared to others. If we could rate our life, all the highs and lows and choices, good and bad, and everything else, then we could say, "My life is HORRIBLE!!!!!! But yours is slightly worse." We really don't know.

Does destiny even really exsist? Well i don't know. But if it does, mine is way worse than yours! ;-)

These are tainted times, you say? I very well agree. Yet I also would have to argue the fact that we are spoiled beyond comprehension. Yes you may understand what I'm leaning at here, or you may not. So I will explain. We as Americans, have everything we could ever want. Television, is a commodity in the modern "world" (also known as North America). Microwaves, o! The tales I could tell! What wondress adventures lye in the microwave! Computers??? "Don't 'dis' those! You're using one after all!" (Dis???) Cell phones??? "Let me look that up on the web, on my phone quick." Cameras that let you view the pictures you just took. "Ah, I don't like that one, I'm gonna delete it and take another." Mp3 players? I must say I listen to mine very often. A car? What on earth would we do without cars!?!?!? Who cares about gas prices! You better not take my car!!!!!!!

Now I could tell of many dislikes and likes of all of those. And yes I use about all of them on a daily basis. I'm not saying they're all bad. But if you go outside this great North America, England, parts of China, Japan, and a few others we begin to lose those...

Now how about our homes? Big and luxurious? maybe not, but try living in a one or two room house, with the bathroom, that has but a toilet and nothing else, outside. You'll see your home on a bit larger scale. Or imagine not flushing the toilet paper down with the rest? Odd? How about having to go turn on your water heater the night before just so you have warm water for your shower in the morning. And maybe no microwave? No Computer?!?! AH!!!!!! And then there's the fact you probably have an old junkie car (which is the standard)... Or NONE at all... O! MY! GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the USA! O, what we would do without it?

So there's a bit. The list goes on and on.........

Now we have something unique, no one else in the world has... We have Freedom. We have a voice. We, the People! We have freedom of religion. We are blessed with so many freedoms!!! Sure, we are fighting for a few... But it's worth a little fight! I mean look at how our nation got started... With an awful war! What about the Civil war to re-unite the staggering states. A very bloody war! Many wars have been fought and many people have died to gain and keep our freedom. Sorry I'm getting side tracked.

I'm just expressing to a few people my thoughts, that most likely wont altar anyone's life. Even in the slightest. Who cares what I say?

Now the point I was making, is this. Why do we complain about our lives'? "O, how horrible is my life" (said very sarcastically) We have everything we could ever need! And though some try and take what is ours, we have the FREEDOM to stand up against them and try and keep what is ours! There are many who oppose Christians. But I'm always up for a good, long, well fought war!

By the way. Learn your facts and present them in a mature way if you want to argue against those who are against us.

God Bless All!

Daniel

P.S. Hope you all have an amazing spring! My second most favorite season!

P.S. (Again?) You should all go to www.jonforeman.com and buy Jon's new solo Ep, Spring!