Chapters

That's honestly to me a very odd title. Yet I believe it fits well with this post. I am writing about my life here. I titled it chapters because I feel that's what my life is leading towards. I feel that's what all our lives are leading towards to some degree. Read on if you would like to know what I mean.

I feel stuck in this same old way of life. Like I am chapter number 327, to this big book of life. The problem with this consists of two main sides:

A. The chapters basically repeat themselves at this point.

B. I don't want to be a chapter, and I don't believe any one of us are called to be the "next" chapter to this long story of life.

Ok, let's deal with A. Who really wants to live someone elses life? Ok there are a few (...I mean Elvis wanna be's proved that). But seriously... We all have that side to us, that so "coincidently shut up and "tamed" when we're kids, that says, "I wanna BE someone!"

Now on to B. We can see from past failures what we've made our lives to be. We can see from past successes what we've lost. This may sound contradictary to itself, yet it is more true than Even I can say. A failure shows us who we've become. What we wish we would've done differently. What we are. What we're becoming. Who looks back in their life and sees that they could've done this thing, or married this girl (the right one) but messed up, and wouldn't looking back have tried with their uttermost to do it differently?

Thinking on Regret

I've been thinking on how many regrets I have. How many wrongs I've done. How I've hurt people who mean more than the world to me. I don't know how to express my pain, which lies in and among regret. I have found most things I despise are of my own doing... My own past... I look on towards what I will have in the future. I can't see past my blood stained hands. It shames me to know I've done so much to cause others pain.

I am to be the author of my own destruction, which I can now see will come about from pain of how I have been left by those closest to me... Because in all truth I left them. I left you, my closest friend to die from a pain I caused you. I hoped it wouldn't come to this. The agony of what went wrong. I hoped you wouldn't leave me here. I cried thru the night, wishing you were there with me. What went wrong? Why'd i get prideful? Why'd I become your closest friend only to push you away? I see now how I hurt you in ways I wouldn't wanna hurt my worst enemy. Now this hope of a new day is no more.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. You know I'll try so much harder this time. You know I want to start over. I wanna hold you tight and never let you go!

Please don't let me go... Please... Please don't let me go...

Regrets... I have so many regrets... And it hurts knowing I hurt you. But I'm gonna try and live today without regret. Cause I gonna try and make you happy. Give me one more chance... I promise I'll make it worth your while!

Regrets...

I have more Regrets than I can count.... And so many come from the recent weeks. I've found many things in this life are not as they first seem. And even fewer of these things remain unchanging.

There is no certainty in our cardboard, gasoline soaked world... Yet there is certainty. The only thing certain is that we have a God who loves us. He stays with us through all troubles and everything we could and ever will endure. Better yet, He knows what it is like to endure all these things.

This is my God I speak of. This is Jehova. This is Jesus. This is the one and ONLY God.

Life: I find it painful sometimes. And I've come to realize that life is the harder of two choices... You must continually choose to live... Once you do it, you have to do it again. It seems hard and long at times, but that's because it is. God's word promises us not happy days, but days filled with turmoil. When you see a Christian suffering and strugling more than you, it's probably because us as Christians have been called to a higher standard. Along with that comes more suffering. As the word of God says, We will endure many hardships, the Righteous man will fall seven (in Hebrew when the word seven was used it meant endless) times and get back up and keep walking.

Death: It has and always will be the easier choice... It is a choice made once. Although you may say, "Yeah right! I would never do that!" Well it only takes one time saying yes and you never have to make the choice again. And when depressed it would almost be easier to say yes...

Hope: I don't just wanna come right out and say Jesus. Although He is our hope. So many people get from this way of saying it the wrong message... They hope in Him because their sorrowful life will disappear and their new happy life will come. Unfortunately most people (90%) who think this way fall away from Jesus. The only reason we should submit to Him is through sorrow and fear. For we have all sinned by:

Lying, hating (murder), stealing, adultry (fornication, lust), not honoring the sabath, not loving with all our hearts God, wanting other's posessions, having idols (even thoughts above God are idols), Having other gods, Misusing God's name (g** D*****)
We are all Going to hell. But through Jesus we are saved.

That is where our hope lies. Only in Christ Jesus. Because we are sinners. Deserving the undying flames, and worms that devoure the flesh.

It will always be easier to die. But if we live for God we will recieve a reward beyond words description.

God bless you, my friends

~Daniel Hanson (Ryan Mcduell)

Destiny

Yeah. Life. I don't know what to make of it. It has its' ups. But also its' many downs. I wish sometimes I could make my own destiny. I can only make choices in my destiny. I can't choose who I meet and who the people I meet meet. And no I'm not selfish. I can just become very perturbed when told one thing and then come to find that it is in fact very different.

Destiny. I find it to be the making of what could become a great or useless life. Destiny must be thought of carefully. It seems to twist around that which we come to respect as life. It puts its' fingers in wherever it feels like. Yet we have the choice of how it affects us. We can hold on to a little hope knowing we can change our destiny with a single choice. Yet destiny will always return somehow to haunt us. Destiny isn't how your life plays out. That's up to one person. You. Destiny is who you meet, what freak accident puts you in harms way. You then decide how to handle what destiny has given you. Do you except the person who would become your friend, or laugh at them and walk away? And how will you ever know which would have been the better choice? You can only make one. And when that accident takes place and you have but 2 seconds to react, you either make the right or wrong decission. Death? Life? Which would you rather?Which is easier to cope with?

I find it easier to cope with myself being dead. But I have to ask myself where the adventure is without the pain. There may be lows but they add to the highs. Still. Dying will always be easier than living. Once you're in the grave you have no more choices. You're either going to Heaven or Hell. Destiny. Destiny doesn't decide that. You, again have the right to change your destiny.

We all see our troubles as the worst. And honestly you can tell me your's are worse than mine. I probably won't say anything in reply. Inside I'll say, "Aw... You just may be right. But then again, how could you know? You have never been through what I have. Sure your brother/sister died a horrible death. You want me to feel sorry for you? Isn't that what we all want? You don't know what I go through inside on a daily basis. I as well don't kow what you go through."

We can't rightly say how bad our life is compared to others. If we could rate our life, all the highs and lows and choices, good and bad, and everything else, then we could say, "My life is HORRIBLE!!!!!! But yours is slightly worse." We really don't know.

Does destiny even really exsist? Well i don't know. But if it does, mine is way worse than yours! ;-)

These are tainted times, you say? I very well agree. Yet I also would have to argue the fact that we are spoiled beyond comprehension. Yes you may understand what I'm leaning at here, or you may not. So I will explain. We as Americans, have everything we could ever want. Television, is a commodity in the modern "world" (also known as North America). Microwaves, o! The tales I could tell! What wondress adventures lye in the microwave! Computers??? "Don't 'dis' those! You're using one after all!" (Dis???) Cell phones??? "Let me look that up on the web, on my phone quick." Cameras that let you view the pictures you just took. "Ah, I don't like that one, I'm gonna delete it and take another." Mp3 players? I must say I listen to mine very often. A car? What on earth would we do without cars!?!?!? Who cares about gas prices! You better not take my car!!!!!!!

Now I could tell of many dislikes and likes of all of those. And yes I use about all of them on a daily basis. I'm not saying they're all bad. But if you go outside this great North America, England, parts of China, Japan, and a few others we begin to lose those...

Now how about our homes? Big and luxurious? maybe not, but try living in a one or two room house, with the bathroom, that has but a toilet and nothing else, outside. You'll see your home on a bit larger scale. Or imagine not flushing the toilet paper down with the rest? Odd? How about having to go turn on your water heater the night before just so you have warm water for your shower in the morning. And maybe no microwave? No Computer?!?! AH!!!!!! And then there's the fact you probably have an old junkie car (which is the standard)... Or NONE at all... O! MY! GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the USA! O, what we would do without it?

So there's a bit. The list goes on and on.........

Now we have something unique, no one else in the world has... We have Freedom. We have a voice. We, the People! We have freedom of religion. We are blessed with so many freedoms!!! Sure, we are fighting for a few... But it's worth a little fight! I mean look at how our nation got started... With an awful war! What about the Civil war to re-unite the staggering states. A very bloody war! Many wars have been fought and many people have died to gain and keep our freedom. Sorry I'm getting side tracked.

I'm just expressing to a few people my thoughts, that most likely wont altar anyone's life. Even in the slightest. Who cares what I say?

Now the point I was making, is this. Why do we complain about our lives'? "O, how horrible is my life" (said very sarcastically) We have everything we could ever need! And though some try and take what is ours, we have the FREEDOM to stand up against them and try and keep what is ours! There are many who oppose Christians. But I'm always up for a good, long, well fought war!

By the way. Learn your facts and present them in a mature way if you want to argue against those who are against us.

God Bless All!

Daniel

P.S. Hope you all have an amazing spring! My second most favorite season!

P.S. (Again?) You should all go to www.jonforeman.com and buy Jon's new solo Ep, Spring!